I’ve not been sleeping brilliantly of late for a couple of reasons, the main one being the nocturnal habits of the old Alarm Cat, Jack. It goes like this:
Off to bed, cat’s asleep on the sofa, all well and good. At some point, a few hours later, I wake to hear this click-two-three-four, click-two-three-four coming along the corridor; one of his claws is longer than the rest, and I’m a very light sleeper so it doesn’t take much. There’s then a little paws (ha ha) and then I feel the weight of a rather large cat landing by my feet. He usually settles down there and all is well.
But only for a few hours. During that time I’ve tried to get back to sleep but the hay fever sufferer nearby sounds like a coffee percolator, and the earplugs I have are pretty rubbish really. (Note: must by those decent, yellow Earfit ones – anyone heading this way soon? Will pay you back. Note to note to self: look on eBay you lazy git!)
I’m just back in the happy land of dreaming when I feel this movement creeping up from the foot of the bed; a cat stealthily making his way towards my head. I push him back down again, gently. Dozing off nicely when… here he comes again, this time slower, as if that makes any difference. So I push him down a little more firmly and head back to dreamland. Not the funfair in Margate, that’s ‘Dreamland’ with a capital D, but to sleep, perchance to…
No chance. Cat leaps onto my back to try and catch me out, cat goes flying onto floor.
Pause. Repeat from the part when he jumps on the bed again. This time he stays by the feet and I can just see the light coming in as the dawn starts to break. And by now I’ve got that incessant noise in my ear (not the percolator this time but a clicking sound) and I need the loo. But I fight that all off and try and doze again, which I do quite well until I suddenly wake up, open my eyes, and there’s the cat, on the bedside locker, staring at me out blinking. I close my eyes, turn over, and try and get back to sleep. The coffee is once again percolating by now.
A few minutes later and there’s the feeling of something heavy landing on the bed beside me. The sound of hopeful purring starts up. A quiet whine makes its way through the earplugs and a paw touches the back of the head. Ignore it. Pause. Cat sits on my head. ‘Oh for *$%!’s sake cat…’ Get up and give the cat his breakfast.
This is anywhere between 4.30 and 6.00 in the morning. However, on Wednesday night he went out, and while he was out and about we shut the gate so he stayed out in the ‘hood all night. Gloriously quiet in our house that night and in the morning. He came back again in the afternoon, had something to eat and settled down. I think this could become the new routine.
