Well, here’s a fascinating piece of correspondence just come in to the Symi Dream in box. It starts: Dear Manager, and I wonder what, or who I am actually meant to be managing. I am managing to write a few hundred words each day and edit those already written, so I suppose I could be a ‘manager’ in that respect. I don’t manage the cat very well as he can’t hear me and I don’t do two-pawed sign language; and no one can actually manage Neil, but still, okay, I will allow the writer of today’s junk to call me ‘manager.’ It goes on:
Have a good day! Well, that was a rather short email, hello and goodbye (I’ve just unemployed you – that always comes to mind, it’s from Evita) in one line. I think, as the writer, we later learn, does not have English as a first language we will also allow the use of this common valediction as a salutation. ‘Valediction’, such a lovely word and always reminds me of Mozart’s Requiem for some reason. (I heard a concert of it in the cathedral in Prague many years ago, and I should be in Prague in a few weeks’ time –there’s a tie in.) Anyhow, back to the email and its next line: This is Emily from CNBM Corp China, professional supplier of insect screen mesh for more than 10years. And this is where I suspect there is something a bit spammy about the correspondence. My suspicion is proved correct when I read the next line: From your website, glad to know you are in same market. Well, no actually, love, I have no idea how you picked up that Symi Dream is all about insect screen mesh. I don’t know the first thing about it other than I could do with some to keep out these blomin’ flies that are everywhere at the moment.
She then goes on to list some of her more popular items: Fiberglass insect screen mesh… pleated mesh… polyester… the rather vague PP mesh (pleated though) and so on. It means nothing to me – Oh Vienna! You can’t help but add that in can you? Especially as in about three weeks’ time I will be in Vienna. (Another tie in.)
May i know if any of them within your business scope? No you mayn’t, and you should have used a capital I and a verb, in this case, ‘are’, but okay, you’re not from ‘round these parts.
I’m glad to make you our detail quotation sheet after receiving your kindly reply. Let me just translate that a moment. (Pause.) Okay, know what you mean, but I’m not sure what I’m getting a quote for as I’ve not asked for anything so I doubt I will reply, kindly or otherwise. Anything else while you’re online?
Samples are also no problem for your testing. Oh good. And now I can have some fun. I’ll ask for samples of everything, polyester, fiberglass, pleated and even PP, you name it, and maybe they will send me enough to make a screen door and keep out these blasted flies. Hey, I wonder if they also do a virtual screen that can keep out unwanted, though occasionally amusing, spam emails like this one?
Waiting for your kindly reply soon. Don’t hold, your breath.
Thanks and best regards. Ditto.
Emily Wang…. And there then followed a rather complicated address and an invitation to click here to unsubscribe from these emails. Don’t click anything!
Hey ho. Bit of silliness as I watch out of the meshless window and see the Dodekanisos coming in on a flat calm sea, a no-wind day with a few high clouds around and wonder what I am going to do for the rest of the day. At least we have learned that valediction is the antonym of salutation so I shall now valedict (though you can’t really as it’s not a verb) and say cheerio.
