Duvets and Detectives (and photos of yesterday morning’s weather which was pretty rough – more about that another day as I’m still drying out towels (so much rain it came under the windows.))
I have some must share shipping news (not that kind of shipping news). I recently ordered a new duvet for the winter as it was easier (and cheaper) than buying one from Rhodes when I was last there. So the other day I was delighted to receive an update on my shopping via shipping news. Kind of shopping-shipping I suppose. More of that in a moment, first the backstory.
I searched eBay to find something suitable and sifted through all the duvet possibilities, bumbling around confused in bed linen hell, flopping over onto my back to wallow in either eider or manmade and laying down in down, throwing aside anything that might set off sneezing fits and being tempted by things that sounded like British pubs, ‘Down and Feather,’ and staying well away from a ‘Bargain brand new king size duvet lemon,’ as the thought of a ‘duvet lemon’ filled me with dread – imagine that at the Rainbow Bar. ‘A G & T please Yianni with a slice of that delicious, if ever expanding, duvet lemon…
And that’s not to mention the tog thing. I checked up on a website that told me 10.5 was good for winter and anything over 13 was kind of ‘Antarctic-ready’ and then found things on eBay such as ‘Cool 10.5 tog.’ Oh, I thought it was going to be fine for winter. And ‘Cozy warm 13.5 tog.’ Oh, if only Captain Scott had taken his ‘cozy warm 13.5 tog,’ or even the rather startling ‘Luxury Hollowfibre 15 Tog’ (I am sweating at the thought). I was almost tempted by the ‘Luxury Hotel Quality Scott Goose Feather and Down 13.5’ which might have suited Cpt Scott well, as it’s apparently named after him, or a place in the Falkland Islands, or some luxury hotel somewhere – at least I assume it’s the quality of a luxury hotel, or do they mean it’s a luxury that is ‘hotel quality’ in which case I hope it’s not the quality of some hotels I’ve stayed in. That one by King’s Cross railway station where the action taking place inside the mattress was noisier than the action taking place in the next room, but I digress as there was no duvet at that hotel, luxury or otherwise. Where was I…?
Ah yes. Well, I found one in the end, after several minutes romping through the ‘heavy winter’ and the ‘Polypropylene’ and ‘goose feather’ and ‘duck down’ and ‘hey dilly-dilly, dilly-on down nonny-no nonsense luxury flame proof double hotel feels like luxury’ stuff and the slightly more exciting ‘Corovin quilt’ which I can only assume was something stitched in Medieval France to celebrate the invention of the word ‘duvet’ in around 1750-60 (French: meaning down (plumage), Middle French, alteration of dumet, derivative of Old French dum) and don’t get me started on that pun. Finally I settled on a 10.5 thing simply because it offered cheaper postage than the others.
And so, to the afternoon email and the message which I immediately misread but which turned out to be from My Hermes and not My Herpes and which highlighted the fact that I had been completely drawn in by the titling of my new duvet: “Your parcel containing LUXURIOUS 100% SOFT SILKY MICROFIBRE FEELS LIKE DOWN DUVET QUILT [Double, 10.5] from Simon Barber will be delivered to you by myHermes.”
It was/is such a joyous email I felt like dancing and thanking Mr Barber personally for personally selecting, wrapping and posting my new Luxurious 100% soft silky etcetera. And then, more joy! I can track it via this web address using that tracking number and you know how much I like to track inanimate objects across Europe. Okay so the disclaimer is fair enough: “You will usually receive it 2-3 working days after you get this email, although it may take longer.” And I am pretty sure it will take longer as the tracking page showed me that it hadn’t actually moved yet. And then joy turned to scepticism when I read the end of the email: “It will be delivered to the following address: GSP Shipping Centre, 1 Langham Park, South Normanton.” Oh, not Symi then?
Having rushed to Google and discovered where South Normanton is, I then realised that I had been the lucky victim of a four stage author’s coincidence. 1) My Hermes – 2) South Normanton is in Derbyshire – 3) a certain author friend lives in Derbyshire – and 4) the hero of her books, the Greek Detective Series, is called Hermes. I am sure my ‘Luxury microfiber feels like a duvet 100%’ will be in safe hands and that this storage facility in Derbyshire is only stage one of its journey. Watch this space for more duvet nonsense when the tracking starts.
