Putting it together
I collected two deliveries on Friday, a new keyboard for the computer and a new kneel-on chair for the desk. Things did not go according to plan.
First of all, I ordered the keyboard from Germany as Amazon could not deliver one from the UK, and I was unable to find the one I wanted in Greece. I was rather proud of myself, wading through Amazon in German and securing my purchase, and saving myself a few Euros at the same time. I unpacked the keyboard on Saturday and set it up, only to realise that it is a German keyboard, of course. It works perfectly and is smooth and wonderful; no more clicking keys and sticking letters, but unfortunately… Well, let’s say it’s fortunate that I know where the letters and symbols are on an English layout keyboard. It’s not QWERTY anymore, it reads QWERTZ, as the Z and the Y are in each other’s places. There are also strange commands such as Einfg, and Entf, plus my favourite, Druken. I’ve still not pressed that one, I’m a bit worried as to what it might do. Hey ho! If I can’t get on with it I’ll have to search again, but so far so good and my fingers seem to know that Y is Z and the extra O (the one with the umlaut) is actually the ; and the symbol that shows ; is actually the comma. The ( is actually the key that shows ) and the key that shows ( is actually the * , the one that shows / is the &, and the & is the ^, and so on.
Putting that aside to see how it’s going to work out, or not, I turned to the kneel-on chair. Flat pack is no problem, and it all looks very straightforward until I come to put the thing together. The instructions are written in numerical code, which doesn’t help, but they show images of each piece, and there are many pieces, and they are numbered “Φ8x40mm A*2″ and ” Φ6x135mm F*2″ and so on. Some of the bolts are drawn on the first image with some nuts on the end, and I search out my D*4 – only 2 needed for this part – that go through the foot of the thing and into a leg which is part Q*1, which I have found, and this part (D*2) also has a nut on the other end and goes through a hole in Q*1 to join foot (M*1). What it doesn’t show you is that the main nut is meant to be inside the wood of the leg and there’s nothing to explain how it gets there.
Common sense prevails, and I realise, after half an hour of pondering and trying this and seeing if that will do that and scratching my head, that you’re meant to put nut number … Oh, that nut doesn’t have a number, so you have to put the guesswork nut through a second hole and line it’s fitting up with the hole in the wood before you put D*2 through and then try and get D*2 into the bore hole of the piece with no name and use the allen key (G*1) to tighten it. I finally manage to get that done, turn the chair around, find all pieces needed to attach bit with seat to bit with back leg and then wonder what on earth is a J*1. I find it (hiding in the box) and it doesn’t fit. Check instructions, but no help there. Finally work out that piece J*1 is extendable and so manage to join seat-bit to back leg-bit and put those two together giving me a very collapsible X shape of two main pieces and a leg.
And now to put the back foot on the back leg using the same process and the front one. I know what I am doing now and slip the piece with no name through the hole with no instructions and line it up, using the screwdriver (L*1) before putting the long bolt through the foot and into the cross-piece and turning it with the key. No good. I take it all apart again and check that the bolt fits the unnamed piece, and it does, perfectly, so I put it back together again and lo and behold, it won’t go into the unknown piece once that piece is inside the unchartered hole for such a piece. Maybe it’s not lined up – I find the torch and examine the depths of the hole, glasses off so I can see better, and yes, that’s fine, but still it won’t go in and now the bolt doesn’t want to come out again, I fetch the plyers and adjustable spanner because the spanner supplied (H*1) doesn’t seem to fit any part of anything. Midday comes, and I decide to go to a barbeque instead.
It’s Sunday now, and the thing is still waiting there for the second phase, which is basically trying the whole thing again but with Neil on hand to hold the D*2 while I swear at unnamed piece while wrestling with the collapsible N*1 and E*1 which are successfully joined together and I still have no idea where I left my glasses. It was that kind of a day, and that’s enough of that. Back tomorrow, when I may be sitting on my, new chair. Or is that kneeling on…? Probably I’ll be jumping up and down on…
