Late start to the day, didn’t get up until 7.30, had a great weekend, and Neil had given me loads of photos for the blog so that’s all good news. First thoughts for a Monday morning? Well, it’s got to be the email inbox hasn’t it? Word for word, as written, Mrs DorisHamson writes:
Dearest in Christ,
I greet you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ our Lord, I am Mrs DorisHamson (presumably she means Doris Hamson), from Kuwait I am married to Mr Robert Hamson who worked with Kuwaitembassy (no idea – think it’s like Marks & Spencer) in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2012. (Read that again. She; still married ‘I am married to…’ and yet he died in 2012. Probably going a bit smelly by now love, I’d get over it and move on.) We were married for eleven years without a child. (She sounds like she is proud that they broke some kind of Ivory Coast record.) He died after a briefillness (“’twas ‘briefillness’ and the slivey toves did gyre and gimble…”) that lasted for only four days (Never mind, perhaps your next husband will linger longer in agony for your amusement). Before his death we were both bornagain Christian (just the one, clearly). Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a childoutside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. (Your Bible is against your matrimonial home? That’s a bit strict isn’t it?)
Mrs DorisHamson then goes on to explain that she’s sitting on $5.2 million dollars and her doctor has told her she only has a few months and she’s shuffling of this mortal coil to go and join her HusbandMrHamon and she wants to use this money “toendeavour that the house of God is maintained.” Presumably that kind of house is allowed even though the Bible is against her kind of matrimonial house. It carries on to tell me all about Exodus (I saw the film) 14 Vs 14 and how she doesn’t need a phone call but when I email back she’ll hook me up with “the contact ofthe Bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire West Africa” and that I mustn’t hang about because “Any delay in your replywill give me room in sourcing another church for this same purpose. Pleaseassure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.”
However, I didn’t reply straight away and thus, I assume, I have lost my PlaceAtTheTableOfTheLord and whoops! There goes my five million, ah well, ‘I shall not want’, and all that. The reason I got delayed in claiming my financial security and place at the right hand was because I had this note from a UK TV addict (and, I suspect, secret Daily Mail reader):
“Lots of discussion about Greece this weekend on TV news etc. Surveys of voters in Germany and France show people are getting fed up with the Greeks and basically want to get them out. The general feeling is that the Greeks are incompetent at running their country, for years they’ve been spending money they haven’t got and then they expect everyone to bail them out. Then they elect a government that simply doesn’t face up to the realities and won’t engage with the rest of Europe in a proper way. They won’t compromise or bargain and just insist they should be helped out without helping themselves. Lots of people on TV saying things like that.”
So, all that has got my week off to a rather wobbly start. There will be more entertaining news as the week progresses, for example, how ‘Straight Swap’ is now up to 103,000 words and heading for the finale, and how ‘Lonely House’ should be available online at Amazon in a few days. Now then, let me compose a reply to MrsHamson.
