
Neil has just discovered that the parachuting Santa his bought from Haroula on Friday evening (after a very long lunch) is voice activated. He started singing along to the loudspeakered Sunday morning liturgy (!) and it went off right beside him, giving him a shock, but waking him up. There will now be no peace on earth in our house. As I try and work in the front room I keep hearing, ‘Boo!’ followed by ‘You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout or I’ll spit in your eye,’ or something similar.

The first Christmas presents are under the tree, all the way from Penzance in a box that also included a t-shirt for padding; very practical my mum. The T-shirt has a slogan on the front, in French, and Neil has already claimed it for his own, the slogan reads: ‘I don’t have a minute to myself, I’m retired.’ I know the feeling. I keep trying to get on with ‘Straight Swap’ my comedy novel, but keep getting side-tracked by other things, mainly checking the post and eating.

Neil’s upstairs in his new office right now and has just shouted down, ‘There’s no blog today then?’ like it was some kind of accusation. I reply: ‘It’s a Sunday,’ to which he counters with a rather grudging, ‘Oh, okay then.’ I mean, I’m actually writing tomorrow’s post now, and it IS a Sunday morning! As my nephew would say ‘FFS.’ (Wasn’t that a furniture store?) I should be out doing the garden or feeding the cat or something, I don’t have a minute to myself and I am not even retired yet. Apparently you can’t do that these days unless you are 95 because the average life expectancy of a normal person is 123, assuming they never eat at McDonald’s and strictly avoid polyester. I mean, DFS! (That was it.)

And so I move on to tell you that after last week’s deluge, the weather has perked up and Saturday was and Sunday so far is, rather sunny and lovely. We decided not to go out on a walk today because we wanted to do nothing at home instead. Actually, I have planned to wrap some presents and put them under the tree, but I am currently waiting for a wagon load to arrive in the post. My box to mother took about ten days to get to Cornwall, but other things coming in the other direction seem to be taking weeks. It’s one of those strange Star Trek time-warp (just a step to the left) things where posted items move more quickly heading up and to the left than they do down and to the right. (I put that in just for you, Terri.) But there could be a reason for that as my tame journalist in the UK wrote to me the other day:

“Meanwhile, just heard that Christmas in the UK is descending into chaos. You may have heard there was a major airports computer failure yesterday that brought loads of airports to a complete standstill. And of course James (1) found himself stuck in a plane at Heathrow going nowhere when he was heading off to Berlin for an important shoot today. Don’t know if he’s made it.

But the biggest mess is the complete collapse of the UK’s online delivery services. So many people have ordered their Christmas online – not just presents, but the food orders as well – that the online retailers and their delivery companies are in melt-down, unable to cope. Warnings are now going out that many deliveries will not now be made in time for Christmas. So I expect a lot of people will be having a “Margot Christmas”. Remember that episode? (2) When Margot’s bought in Christmas failed to arrive? Christmas at the Leadbetters had to be cancelled but they ended up having a great time with Tom and Jerry next door and their homemade Christmas.”

I hope your Christmas arranging hasn’t fallen into chaos, and I am very much looking forward to our dress rehearsal this afternoon, where Jenine has invited us and a couple of others for a roast dinner. I am currently making up some proper Christmas music CDs to play (carols, not songs about parachuting Coke advertisements) and am even going as far as to consider going to Yialos to buy some horseradish sauce. I’ll keep you posted on that scintillating adventure in due course. Meanwhile, have a good week ahead.
Notes:
(1)    James. Not me, my friend’s nephew who is the current Hugo Boss model.
(2)    ‘The Good Life’ 70s TV series in the UK.






























