For those who like to know these things, it was 30° in the courtyard at 04.30 this morning, and it looks like we’re in for another warm day. I know! All you talk about is the weather. Well, not all, but it is one of the few things everyone has in common with everyone else, so it’s only natural, and, I hope, of interest to people who know the island and/or don’t, but are heading this way, or just interested. Anyway, it’s not the only thing we have in common. There is also, it seems, health.
I think any gathering of people over a certain age (i.e., 50) should come with a law that says no-one in the group is allowed to talk about their ailments for more than five minutes, and only then, when they first join the group. When I go down for coffee at the bar, I often hear or fall into a conversation about ailment-related this and that. Someone is asked, ‘How are you?’ as a greeting, and the next thing you know, they are telling you. We’re British. We don’t really mean, ‘How are you?’ we mean, ‘Hello.’ Of course, the British have a variety of replies to the question, such as, ‘Fair to middling’, ‘Could be better’, ‘Mustn’t grumble.’ All of them an implied negative.
It’s the same as some other general greetings when you want to avoid a question, ‘Turned out nice again,’ spoken with something of a surprise. ‘Hot, isn’t it?’ (Said with an element of astonishment, even though you’re in the south Aegean in summer.) ‘You’re looking well!’ Also said as if the speaker had never expected to see that person living again, while actually meaning, ‘You’ve put on weight.’

Anyway, I am one of that group, and have been for a while, and yes, there are times when the enquiry is genuine, and one is concerned for someone’s health because they were recently unwell or injured, and that’s fine. But when it comes to comparing scars, hospital treatments, medications and the diagnoses given by qualified doctors, Google and now the planet-ruling AI, it can get far too technical and self-indulgent for my liking. So, a rule of thumb from now on is to turn these greetings the other way up, so as to avoid the necessity to then listen to a half-hour soliloquy concerning someone’s recent run-in with a gall bladder operation, bunion, or worse. ‘Hello’ is a succinct and vague way of greeting a group of over 50s. You might say, ‘Greetings,’ or something more florid according to your personality. As for replies, they could be, ‘Middling to good,’ or just ‘Good’ instead of fair to, or simply, ‘Not grumbling,’ to which you can silently say to yourself, ‘Makes a change.’

Afternoon coffee time can become like a script meeting for Emergency Ward 10, or for the younger, General Hospital, for the very young, Casualty. (Showing my age here, but ‘mustn’t grumble.’)
And, of course, I am also a culprit of this, and as such, let me tell you about yesterday’s trip to the dentist. Imagine that on my return, someone asked me, ‘How was the dentist?’ I reply, ‘He was very well, thank you.’ That then forces them to ask the real question, ‘What happened?’ Even if they’re not interested, you still tell them, but in a succinct manner, as I can now: All good. Left home at 10.10, walked down (unnecessary scene setting), was in the chair at 10.30 as arranged, twenty minutes later, the root canal was done, and I was heading for the bus. Sorted. No pain (didn’t even feel the injection), a nice chat, no aftereffects, popping back Monday for a check and permanent filling, and to settle the €100 bill. Also shared a few jokes, headed off a conversation about football, and asked after the family.

And yes, that is all true. For those who have to wait months for such a thing and then pay thousands, or can’t even get to see a dentist, or can’t afford to, I’m sorry. Bring your root canals and other dental waterways to Symi where we have the best dentists to ever encounter the inside of my gob. Perfect.
And on that note, I’m off to get my fixed teeth into the weekend by starting work on a new project. That is, once I have uploaded the last of my Delamere Files series to Amazon, which I am going to do now. Collete, Anne and other great friends who support my novel writing endeavours, keep an eye on the Series page on Amazon; the book should be there in a couple of days.
As my character, Ben Baxter from Shadwell, would say, ‘Have a gander at the page, mate.’ Here’s the universal link: https://mybook.to/DelamereFiles








