I used to work for a Trust, many years ago, and, after about eleven years of day-to-day and climbing up the ladder to end up with my own office, staff team, area, and million pound projects to run, decided one day that I didn’t want to be doing that any more. I wanted to be doing something else.

After some deliberation and a month in the Greek islands, including two weeks in Symi while off work sick – which always makes me think of people throwing up, ‘can’t come in I’m sick –eughch’, why are people not off work ‘ill’, or ‘unwell’? I don’t think I have actually been sick since having one too many pints of Shepherd Neame (Britain’s oldest brewery apparently) back in 1990 or something – we returned to England and I resigned.

Well, that was it; instantly felt better and so excited that there I was cutting off all ties with an income, what with a large house and mortgage, credit cards and such like. For about two weeks after making the monumental decision I hardly slept, I’d sit up all night and write and, during that time I came up with a thing called ‘You Wish!’

Now then, if you like your novels to be sophisticated and sensitive, well put together and deep, if you like great sentence construction and intelligent thought, perfect grammar and a calm, adult storyline, then you don’t want to buy this book. It poured out of its own volition over two weeks of sleeplessness and just kind of fell onto the page. Once it was out I decided to leave it for a while and come back to it later to rewrite it. That’s what I did, only I didn’t. I left it more or less as it was because it kinds of works as it is, and it is what it is and actually, it still makes me laugh if I reread it now. (I’ve even left some of the typos in for you, how generous is that.)

What’s it about? It’s about five friends who get their wish come true for one day and then find they have to suffer three days of the consequences; it’s about the gay scene in Brighton, dead parents (and others) coming back to life, it’s about having X-ray eyes and being the biggest, butchest, most macho gym-fit stud the ladies could wish for, it’s about magic gone wrong, nudity, and mayhem. Someone once said, ‘Think Tom Sharpe on loony juice with a camp gay twist and you’re getting close.’

Yes, it’s rude, crude and very often nude, has some typos, and it’s not for snobs, but you don’t have to be gay, mad, young, all of the above to like it. A local Brighton magazine reviewed it as ‘Perfect poolside reading’ so that kind of suggests it’s light and pointless, which is 100% accurate. But, if you know someone who likes Nick Revel and his ‘The night of the toxic ostrich’, or even Tom Sharpe (may I say, while bowing low), then the chances are they are going to like this piece of madness and slightly camp mayhem. But it is really only for adults. Or only for adults who haven’t quite grown up yet.

You can get a copy of You Wish! here.

“Mr Collins took me into a world packed with original characters in very unusual situations, with hilarious consequences. I have read many humorous books in the style of Tom Sharpe, not all of them good. In my view, this book adds much to the genre and I recommend it to anyone with a lively imagination and a good sense of humour.” Amazon review.

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For the next week, Saturday to Saturday, I am running a series of posts about my books, what’s behind them, what they are about and where you can buy copies. It’s that present buying time of year again and I can get these posts ready in advance so I can take a week off from blogging and let them run themselves. Today, the first ‘living on Symi’ book, Symi 85600.

You may already have a copy of this book, but if not, you might like to consider ordering one for a friend or family member.

This is my first book of anecdotes from Symi and covers our first five years of moving to, and living on, the island. It is made up of emails, and letters, blog posts and some articles, plus a few extras that were written especially for the publication, and it also includes a ‘How to’ guide. ‘How to move to a Greek island or other place in the sun.’

The How To section was written following requests from several people and it’s really a handy list of things to check, remember and organise. Nowadays I expect a lot of the information needs double checking as I wrote this back in early 2004, but there are still useful thoughts and ideas in there for anyone thinking of making the move.

What’s also interesting about Symi 85600 is that it was written with a newcomer’s eye. I remember, in the first winter we lived here, meeting Faith Warn who wrote ‘The Bitter Sea’ a book about the sponge diving industry of (mainly) Kalymnos. She, a Radio 4 presenter at the time and journalist, told me that a diary in the first year was invaluable as you wrote what you saw before you became too self-aware. In other words, it’s all still fresh and new. After a while you think ‘I’d love to write that, but I can’t as it would upset him/her so best leave it alone…’ And so on. Mind you, these days I don’t care so much about that though I do stay away from naming names.

There’s a look at the ex-pats in Symi 85600 too, in the How To part, in a section based on my early observations of ex-pat’s generally. I notice I gave them titles, stereotypes if you like: The chairperson, The Keen drinker, The Montague, The Capulet, The moaner and so on – I expect I could add a few more ‘types’ to that list now. The rest of the book remains, I hope, an honest and sometimes funny account of moving to, and living on, a small Greek island.

And if you ever wondered what the title meant and were too afraid to ask, it’s (part of) the post code.

You can get a copy of Symi 85600 here.

Symi 85600 book review: “A must read if you’ve ever thought of moving away from it all and starting afresh. James writes accurately about the trials and tribulations of living on a small, beautiful Greek island with humour in such a way that not only can you not help but fall in love with the island AND James but makes you wish you could do it too despite knowing the pitfalls that go with it.” Amazon review.

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I hope you enjoyed our four day walk. You will be pleased to know that we are back to more usual posts now, though only for a couple of days. Next week I am going to run a week-long advertising campaign, showing a book or a calendar every day, maybe two books. It’s that present buying time of year again so I thought, now’s the time to give you some info and maybe clips from some of the Symi books and my novels, in case you were short on ideas of what to get for people. Things ordered next week should arrive in plenty of time.

Before that though, there’s some catching up to be done. And to start that off, today I’ve been asked to pass on a message from Symi Animal Welfare. So here it is:

“The weather is slowly becoming more wintery now and many houses are closed up, their summer residents gone until at least spring 2015. Cats who have enjoyed food during much of the summer & autumn at these houses have relocated, usually to one of the nearby rubbish bins or skips. Their winter diet may not consist of tasty BBQ titbits or one of the more expensive cat-feed brands available over the next few months, but alternative food will be delivered 2 or 3 times per week by one of our volunteers – as always, an enticing mixture of pasta, biscuits & canned food.  Most supplies for the 2014/15 winter feeding programme were delivered earlier today so we have been distributing some of them to volunteers in Pedi, Harani & Mylos areas this afternoon.  This year, Suzan has organised supplies for the harbour & Nimborio whilst I am responsible for Chorio & Pedi – as there are now so many feeding stations, we decided that a ‘job-share’ was really necessary.

We are also finalising arrangements for an Australian vet who arrives next week for a few days, her visit to Symi comes at the end of a sponsored, outreach neutering project to other islands. This is an extremely positive start to what can be such a bad period for street cats, your donations & support + our conscientious volunteers will help Symi’s cats survive yet another winter.

Thank you all, Melanie, Suzan, Hazel, Tove & Claudia”

As usual, you can find out more about Symi Animal Welfare by clicking to their site.

And as for us? Well, Neil’s meeting his landlady today to formally hand back the shop and its keys. He’s been to Rhodes to end his phone contract at the shop, and his accountant has been dealing with all other paperwork. Tell you what, if you are thinking of opening a business in Greece, you best check out how much it costs to close one down! No wonder people don’t bother and just wander away leaving debts and things unpaid.

But on the lighter side, well, not that light actually, the Ikea things arrived and were carried up to the house, the cabinet is together, Neil bought a floor-standing light that is too tall for his new office, so I’ve got that towering over me like a 1950s hair salon dryer, and there’s a long box on my office floor which should soon transform into a book case. If only I could remember where I put that screwdriver for safekeeping…

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Ah, there you are. Thank you for waiting. So, all set for the homeward hike? It’s only ninety minutes if we don’t dawdle. Oh yes, there is time to admire the scenery and decline lifts in the back of trucks. Here we go.

Back down the hill, past the other festival which is winding down and where we meet David, Hugo and Maria on their way up to where we just left, through the valley, admiring the forbidden rocks, see a dead snake, avoid the cars and trucks, plod on, up the hill, jacket comes off and into rucksack, back to the main road, jumper comes off and the wind nearly snatches it away, and onwards towards home. We’re passed, a little later, by Alexis and Manolis driving very slowly. It’s not the whisky that is dictating the speed, it’s the on-going and heated debate about tackle or something. They take the turning towards Roukouniotis where they can continue their debate at another festival.

We take the main road all the way back, apart from the Katarina-cut which is a bit rough underfoot on the way down, and finally reach the village and home around half one in the afternoon. Shoes off, steaming feet up for a while, then salad for lunch and a bit of TV before heading out for the evening with Ian. A tabled booked at To Spitiko, and a walk down the Kali Strata after pre-dinner drinks at Rainbow (Yianni, where were you? We missed you at Kokkimidis. Ah, it was too windy), and to the harbour. Here the boats are being thrown around in the swell, the sea is over the quayside, and the wind is still raging.

The restaurant soon fills up, some army boys come in for Coke and carbonara, we have taramasalata, cheese balls, chops, swordfish and wine, fill up nicely after a long day and then, under the full moon that occasionally gets to peep out through fast passing clouds, we walk back up the Kali Strata and head to the Sunrise. You will note that Sunrise is actually an anagram of Sure Sin, and we did rather indulge ourselves in celebratory wine but I don’t think I did anything sinful, apart from try and tell a joke and completely lose the thread half way through, try and improvise my way out of it and fail miserable; I left the comedy up to the other guy after that.

And finally home. And that’s what I did last Saturday, the weekend of the Panormitis (and others) festival. Sunday was a day spent writing this and ‘hanging out’ at home, cooking, watching TV, working on some edits for Lonely House (due out early next year) and generally having a nice, relaxing no-exercise day for a change.

Okay, we can now get on with the rest of the week. Oh, it’s nearly over!

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Remember we had finally arrived at the church of Kokkimidis, up at the top of the hill? I would be interested to know the height up here (of the hill), I reckon this could well be the second highest monastery on Symi; Stavros Tou Polemou being the highest. Maybe someone will let me know?

We finally arrive, one hour and forty minutes after leaving home, and head up to the terraces to be suitably out of the way but still part of the event. Met and greeted by many people we know from the village, a great big welcome from Katerina who hosts the event (and puts a mean seem in your jeans when then need turning up), a thank you from Zoe to my mum for the painting she gave her, hands shaken all round, and then there’s time to listen to the chanting and watch the procession of the icon.

Then we admire the new hall. This is a huge new building that’s being put up for when it rains, apparently. It’s not a chapel but, well, it sounded like it was to be a function room, so I assume refectory and meeting place. It reminded me of the places we’d go to on Romney Marsh for a barn dance, except those places had roofs and this one hasn’t, yet. All stone though and very impressive.

Meanwhile, back at the event. The service finishes with the blessing and sharing of the bread, which here happens outside in the courtyard. The chapel is very small at Kokkimidis, which is why many people stand outside and listen to the service from there. The bread is then passed around, the congregation is blessed and buys candles to light. We light ours later when there is room inside the chapel.

And then it’s time for the real social stuff to start. Warm Greek coffee, with milk and sugar, ‘sketo’ is available as well, biscuits made by Litsa, but which Litsa is anyone’s guess, some of the bread, a cheese pie and a donut, and then everyone who wants one is given a bag and extras to take away for later, or for others who can’t be there. Later, lamb and kritheraki is served for those who want lunch, there’s water and wine, and there’s a bottle of whisky on the go on Alexis and Manolis’ table over there where some great and lengthy debate has started up between the two fisher-friends.

We stayed a while and then tried to slip away. ‘Where are you going?’ ‘Why are you not eating?’ ‘Photgraphos, ella!’ and so on, but we make our polite excuses (it’s very windy, and cloudy, and cold, and a long walk home) and manage to slip away. And so, here we go:

Actually, let’s leave you there preparing yourself for the descent and the homeward march. Make sure you have water for the walk; although it’s cloudy and windy and not altogether warm, it soon warms up as you walk, the sun will come out (tomorrow) and you will need to drink water. So, you hang on there and I’ll be back to pick you up avrio.

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