Imagine this: You’re at home in your kitchen, pottering around and minding your own, when you hear your patio furniture being moved. You know you’re alone, and there’s no-one outside, and yet… Another scrape. Now, I should mention that in this case, the ‘patio’ is actually a flat roof, and you’ve got a table, two chairs and a sunshade up there. On your roof. So, who is it? You pop outside and head up to your flat roof, and lo! There is a guest from the hotel behind you lounging on your furniture. This person has left their balcony, climbed over a very obvious iron fence and down a few feet to help themselves to your possessions, on your property.

That happened to a friend of ours up here in the village, and when challenged, the trespasser became threatening to the resident.

Now imagine this: You’re at home in your kitchen, pottering around and minding your own, when you hear someone up on your terrace, and you know you are alone, so you go to investigate and find a tourist climbing back over your locked gate, having helped themselves to your terrace so they could take a photo. ‘Can I help you?’ you ask, meaning, ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’ and the trespasser simply says, ‘No, thank you,’ and goes on their way, leaving you more than a little fuming.

That happened to a friend of ours up here in the village.

Now imagine this: You’re at home in your kitchen, pottering around and minding your own, when you hear someone enter your courtyard via the closed gate, and go to investigate, only to find them taking photographs of your property and its view, and when you challenge them and ask them ‘What the hell do you think you’re playing at?’ by saying, politely, ‘Why are you on my property?’ they reply with, ‘Because it is so beautiful.’

Another true story of a trespass, and there are many others, I am sure.

To wear nothing but a bikini while walking through the village, Mr Worthington, may be regarded as a misfortune; to commit trespass sounds like an illegality. The residents would be quite within their rights to report, sue, take to court and so on, and I’ve never heard of ‘Because it is so beautiful’ being successfully used as a defence in a court of law.

Yes, the views are beautiful, but there are plenty of public places to take photos from.

I could rant for a while about this one, as I’ve seen it happen all over the village, sometimes out of nosiness, as in, ‘What’s behind this open and derelict door?’ and other times out of a sense of entitlement. ‘I’m allowed, I paid to come here,’ or something equally as ridiculous.

Keep your snouting on public land, I say, or at least ask before you help yourself to someone else’s home, otherwise, you shall, in my book, be no better than a fice! *

*My reference here is ‘The Vulgar Tongue’, a dictionary of pre-1811 street cant and slang.

FICE, or FOYSE. A small windy escape backwards, more obvious to the nose than ears; frequently by old ladies charged on their lap−dogs. See FIZZLE.

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I had three today. Three ridiculous attempts to engage me in a conversation about how I might promote my book. All of them clearly generated by an AI, probably in this manner: Idiot spammer sets up AI programme and tells it to go fish for books by [randomly chooses my name from Amazon], and to then send out a letter praising the author for his/her/their/its/they’s/whoever’s creativity {side-quest is to flatter gullible author into submission so use a soft approach}. Idiot tells robotic idiot to ensure the email ends with the suggestion of engagement, and a question – get the unsuspecting author to want to reply and engage in an intellectual discussion about his/her/their/its/they’s/whoever’s work. Idiot presses button, machine sends spam, idiot starts process again with another random author.

And so it goes on. I, as you know, bounce the emails back and black list the sender. Here are snippets from the three WoTs I received today. (Waste of Times.)

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I discovered your on facebook, and their unique energy has captivated me. How do you balance creativity with discipline when writing? I’d love your insight! Rhianna Donaldson

(Note: In this case, Miss Idiot Donaldson neglected to instruct the machine to name the book she found so captivating.)

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I recently came across your book *A Fall from Grace (The Delamere FilesBook 2)*, and I was immediately struck by how fresh and engaging its concept feels. The storm-lashed island setting, the layered family tensions surrounding Charles and Simon Marisco…

Anon

(Note: In this case, the anonymous idiot forgot to tell its AI sub-idiot to ensure its spam got the right characters. The Marisco brothers and their island are only in book three, not two. Idiot!)

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I came across your book and truly believe it has strong potential to resonate with book clubs and discussion…

Ruth Johnson

(At least Miss Ruth Idiot-Johnson tried a different approach, but she, too, forgot to instruct the AI sub-idiot to name a book.)

I’ll only pay someone to promote my work if and when I want to, and not until we’ve had a great discussion about the process and expectations, and I shall never pay anyone to publish my stories. I’m not that vain.

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Meanwhile… You’ll be pleased to know that outside, it looks like it’s going to be another warm day here on Symi. There’s no wind to speak of, and no clouds. The square was busy last night, which is good to hear, and so far, it looks like we’re in for a more usual September (in terms of visitors) following a quieter than usual June to August.

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I meant to say, we went to Georgio’s for our anniversary day lunch, and I mention that because we’re often asked by newcomers where the best place to eat in the village is. We never single out any one place, but say it’s a case of what you are after, and then run off the list of every eatery up here. George and Maria’s is a place that hasn’t changed much over the years. Sadly, you’re no longer allowed to view the dishes in the kitchen in the traditional way, and their setup doesn’t allow for glass cabinets with the food behind, as some do. I’m still amazed by how much ends up on your plate when you order a main, though, and I love the way they do other salads now, and not just Horiatiki. I mean the mixed salad they do, not the classic tomato salad, which is basically a tomato on a plate. Of course, I didn’t think to take any photos of my oven chicken, but here’s one of the anniversary bouquet on the windowsill.

The only other photo I have is another balcony shot. This was yesterday, when some friends of ours set off to Athens on the Blue Star. (You should be almost there by the time you read this, if not already on your second ferry of the trip.) It remains one of my favourite things to do, to take the ferry up to Athens overnight. Mind you, these days you need a bit of a windfall to afford a cabin, but if you do, it’s a great adventure. Well, if you don’t have a cabin but you have the flu, and you’re coming back from Athens overnight in January and you have to sleep in a seat or on the floor… then it’s a different story. I still enjoyed the trip, though.

So, off they go and off I go into another varied day. Have fun.

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Thank you to everyone who sent anniversary and birthday wishes (for Neil) yesterday, and happy birthday for yesterday to Claudia and Justine (and my grandfather, who would have been 120 yesterday), and anyone else who does the 8th September. We met up with a few friends in the village square and went to lunch at Georgio’s, and that was followed by Neil having to work a reasonably busy shift at the bar where fun was had by all.

None of which has anything to do with my photos today. These are dragged from the ‘might be useful one day’ file to illustrate nothing in particular. One shot of wood somewhere in the village, another of the inside of the bar in winter, showing one of Neil’s photos, and one of a cat.

It’s 6.40 right now, the soldier downstairs has just gone off to work, you can tell by the clump-thump of the boots in the alleyway. These guys must get so hot in the summer in full gear with long socks, the boots, caps… The sun’s about to come up, the cockerels have been going all night, and I know ’cos I was up at five with my nose completely bunged up thanks to a mixture of dust and trees. The sparrows and collard doves have just got going too, and I can hear a small boat chugging out to sea. Apart from that, it’s all deliciously quiet today… so far.

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It’s anniversary day in our household today, three of them falling on one day. Other than that, it’s been a quiet weekend with early starts at the desk…

Some writing, some plotting, planning and some research too. This morning’s job is to look into the structure of the City of London police as it was in 1893 and then learn how to tie a noose – it’s best you don’t ask! Some of the things I have to look up online… Eek! Apart from that… there was music in the square last night, the Yialos to Panormitis marathon has been run, the day boats continue to come in, and the weather is cooling down. It’s that time of year already when I have a fan beside me, but I have to wear a shirt because it’s cold, but without the fan, it would be too stuffy. Still, nice early mornings…

One thing I did try to research was the manufacture of my old Louis Vuitton trunk, which has been with me since I was eight. I had a look at the label and tried to find any info I could from the net and found one site that turned out to be inaccurate. It said, LV didn’t open at the Champs-Élysées address until 1925, but I have since found out that it opened in 1914, so I know the trunk is post 1914. The other addresses were in use before that, so they don’t help. There’s something about the placement of the serial number being beside the label, not above or on it, but when I search for info on that, I only get answers about modern serial numbers. Anyway, it’s an ongoing investigation, and talking of which, I must get back to London in 1893, and the nursery rhyme ‘Oranges and Lemons.’

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