Learning the Greek Language – Can’t! Won’t ! Don’t!

For those of you who don't take the Symi Visitor - here is what I've put in for their October/November edition - sorry if you have already seen this and appologies also if the Greek characters don't come out on your machine. I'm off for a few weeks now - back in December.

I wanted to include a section in my next book called, ‘how to learn Greek’, or ‘Greek for beginners’ or something similar so that I could share with you the joys of learning the language.
And then I thought ‘no I won’t do that’. Because a) I am not a teacher of English, let alone Greek, b) it would take up an entire book in itself and c) I can’t actually speak it very well myself yet.
So instead I will put down my thoughts and experiences on learning the Greek language that may, or may not, include some handy tips for those of you who are thinking about taking it up as a hobby.
After five years of infrequent study I can now read it fluently and even understand some of the words I am reading. I can usually get the gist of a conversation but can’t yet chip in with the occasional pithy comment or wry political observation. I can ‘get by’ quite well now when speaking the language though my accent leaves something to be desired, to say nothing of my syntax and sentence construction and I can write in Greek though spelling is another matter as I can’t even do that properly in English as readers of my self published work will know.
            Now then, many people ask me if I can speak Greek, it’s usually the third question asked by tourists after the famous ‘do you live here?’ and ‘what’s it like in the winter?’ I usually answer modestly with ‘I am learning’ or ‘I manage’, while Neil is yapping away over my shoulder adding untrue comments like ‘he’s fluent’ and ‘his Greek is very good’. I mention this because, now that I think about it, I have heard loads of people give me reasons as to why they can’t or won’t learn the language – and I’m not just talking about tourists. So here are my thoughts and observations on the reasons why people say they can’t, won’t or don’t learn Greek.

The Alphabet is too complicated
‘All those strange looking symbols that remind me of algebra or geometry and school, I’d never get the hang of them.’
The Greek Alphabet has 24 letters so already there is less to learn than if we were learning English. Have a look at these ones: Α, Β, Ε, Ζ, Η, Ι, Κ, Μ, Ν, Ο, Ρ, Σ, Τ, Υ, Χ, yup 15 letters look the same as they do in English (and many of these are also pronounced in the same way so we know those ones already). That leaves us only nine letters to get to know and recognise, so that’s not really too difficult is it?
‘But there are letters that look different in lowercase’ I hear you bleat and yes that is true but there are: α, ε, ι, κ, ν, ο, ρ, τ, υ, χ, ω, ten lowercase letters that look like English ones, leaving us 14 to get to know. Watch out for some naughty ones that are in disguise, the v that’s an n, the p that’s an r, the u that sounds like an i, the w that is actually and o and the x which sounds like a jolly good pre-spit hoik of phlegm.
‘But some others look like what they’re not!’ O.k. so let’s have a look at those:
B is actually pronounced as V
H is a vowel sound like the i in sit
P is actually R
Y is a vowel sound like the i in sit
And that’s it; all you have to do to know the alphabet is get to recognise nine capital letters, 14 lowercase ones and four that look like what they are not. And here’s the best bit:
The language is phonetic, so when you have learned the alphabet (and a few double letter combinations and so on which are really easy and thin on the ground) then you will be able to read it. If you can read it you can use a dictionary for words you don’t know and you’re up and running.
For me learning the alphabet and recognising the letters is the first step to take and probably the easiest.

But I’m too old to start learning a new language!
‘Children absorb languages and I’m too old to do that…’ Which is exactly why you should start with grammar and work your way up – but that’s a discussion for later. I’ve just done some research on the myths around learning a second language and how it becomes more difficult the older you get.
            One of the myths is that children learn a second language quickly and easily and one of the reasons for this is that they are placed in situations where they simply have to. Attending a Greek school, making friends and playing games for example. So why don’t we adults attend a Greek kafeneion, church, society, group etc. and force ourselves to join in? It would work the same way. Also, children don’t need as much of the language as adults do so there is less for them to learn. They don’t need to make enquiries at the bank or the doctor, us adults do that for them so they don’t have to know as many words as we do. This leads to the illusion that children learn more quickly.
            So it’s all an illusion and age doesn’t have anything to do with it. Well, not quite, there are medical reasons as to why the older you get the more difficult it is, (something to do with the plasticity of the cortex – the ‘frozen brain hypothesis’.) There are other social factors too; adults have less time, they have work to do, families to look after, gin and tonics to drink, boats and cars to tinker with, dinner parties to organise and so on.
            In my humble opinion adults tend to find it hard to learn Greek because a) they don’t want to, b) they can’t find a suitable teacher, c) they can’t make time, d) they are not self-disciplined enough, e) they don’t have to – see below – and f) their expectations are too high.
            And what I mean by that last one is this: I have seen many people try and fail. For example; the local authority on Symi arranged for funding so that non-Greek speakers could have free lessons with a Greek teacher. Once some of the class realised that they would have to study hard at home they started grumbling about lack of time. Then, when they realised that they would have to attend more than one lesson in order to speak fluently, they got put off. Excuses started flying around at this point, my favourite one being ‘I only want to know how to ask for things in shops, not all this grammar stuff…’ Fair enough, tell me what you want to ask for and I will tell you how to ask for it. But what happens when the shopkeeper, on hearing your one fluent sentence, replies in equally as fluent Greek that he is very sorry but he doesn’t have that item today and if you wouldn’t mind coming back on Thursday he is sure to have it in but, in the meantime, perhaps you would like to consider this alternative item?
            I hope you see what I mean. I am reminded of that old saying, “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.” Author unknown. The webpage on which I found the original quote provided a much more ex-pat appropriate version: “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.” Author also unknown. To which I would add: “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish and you won’t have to do his fishing for him.” For fish read ‘speak Greek’ if you’re not sure what I am getting at. And of course, the same thing about fishing goes for women too.
                So my final thought on the topic of being too old to learn is this: we are never too old to learn a new language, we are only too lazy.
           
I can’t understand the grammar
‘I was never taught English grammar so I will never be able to cope with Greek…’ Ah yes, apparently English grammar is taught less and less in schools these days, not like in my day… that may be true but I don’t want to get into a debate about the English education system, in fact I would rather forget it. But what I would say is this; I went to a school where I was taught Latin for five years. I don’t remember any Latin but I do remember some grammar. That certainly helped when I took nine months’ of Greek grammar lessons in England before moving to Greece but I still come across things I don’t understand, in which case I find a book or a website and look them up. How easy is that!
            And at this point I must point out that I know I make grammar mistakes in each piece of writing I do… sorry, I know I make grammatical errors in my writing… but my excuse for this is the same one that everyone else should admit to: I am lazy.
            If you want to learn a language correctly you should start at the bottom and work up and by the bottom I mean grammar. Sit in the bar or kafeneion and ‘absorb’ it by all means but if you don’t know how to string a sentence together you’ll only end up sitting, listening, having no clue what’s going on and getting smashed.
            Actually I do find that a glass or two of ouzo helps improve fluency: the more I drink the less I care about mistakes and the more I talk in Greek. If you are going to use this technique though make sure you stick to just one or two glasses, if you get too drunk you won’t make any sense in any language, at least not to anyone but yourself.
            The point there was one of confidence. This year (2007) I am going all out to break down my confidence barrier and speak Greek as much as possible whether I am right or wrong. It’s the only way to do it. (And it often gives the locals a good laugh too.) And talking of improving confidence… Some friends of mine and I got together last winter to learn Greek, practice among ourselves and improve our confidence. They asked me to be the ‘teacher’, which, although flattering, was a little like inviting Hannibal Lecter to cook your lunch. We met once a week for an hour and a half and I tried to explain the way the language works, how the grammar works, why there are ten words for ‘the’, what a passive verb is and so on. We also practiced speaking it with me pedantically pointing out where the stress should be on certain words. Eventually we were able to move on from the basic useful phrases like, ‘good morning’, ‘how are you?’ and ‘please bring me a coat hanger my mother is sick’.
            So if you want to be able to speak Greek take the time to learn the grammar. Spend hours at the kitchen table copying out verbs, (yes I did) stick post-it notes on things giving their names in Greek, (Neil looked very silly walking around with ‘Νιλ’ stuck to his head but it was fun,) set aside two hours, five days a week for homework, watch Greek language films and programmes, listen to the Greek radio, get a language course with tapes and generally get off your arse and do it.

But even so, everyone talks too fast!
‘I’d never be able to keep up, everyone talks so quickly.’ Just like we do when we speak our native language, so what’s your point?
            Actually it’s not necessarily a question of speed but fluency. It only sounds fast because we don’t understand the words. Once you do you’ll realise that people are speaking at the same speed you do when you are fluent in a language. Unless, of course, they happen to be the old lady who lives just along the alley from me. She doesn’t have a pause button let alone a stop one and must have the ability to breathe in and out at the same time as she never stops for breath. But she’s an exception and who knows, one day I will be able to understand her. And when I do I shall probably discover that she’s not saying anything worth listening to anyway.
            But you can always ask people to slow down and explain that you don’t understand very well.
            Sometimes I have to use a telephone – a mild phobia that is getting worse the older I get, my mother has the same thing so I quite firmly blame her and not my laziness, which is actually the real problem. And sometimes I have to pick up the dreaded phone and prepare myself to speak Greek into it. When you are face to face you can use all manner of wild gesticulations and self invented sign language to explain that your electricity bill is wrong, but on the phone you have only your voice.
            The sentence I start any Greek phone conversation with is this: ‘Hello, I’m sorry but I don’t speak Greek very well, do you speak English?’ The trouble is that it comes out so fast and fluently now I feel like I am telling a fib. So does the person on the other end apparently as they usually ignore me and reply in Greek. At least that is how it was last year. This year, being the year of forcing myself to talk more Greek, I have changed my ways. Now my opening gambit is: ‘Hello, I don’t speak Greek very well yet but I will try’. At which point I usually get the reply, ‘that’s o.k. I speak English,’ and the conversation goes on with me speaking Greek and the other person speaking English; much more satisfying.
            Another observation about speed: I went to the kiosk (in my smoking days) to buy something and asked for it, in Greek, slowly and deliberately. “Can I have two packets of Assos Gold and a lighter please?” This was to make sure I got the right words out, not because the guys in the kiosk can’t speak their own language of course. But they didn’t understand me so I said it again even more deliberately and simplified the sentence. “Two packets of Assos Gold and a lighter.” Still no joy. So I adopted what I consider my best Symi accent and said it as I’d heard local people talking: “TwopacketsofAssosGoldandalighter.” I was getting somewhere at last, Michaelis repeated the words Assos Gold but with a question mark. So I went for the full local dialect version and did what any self respecting Symiot would do, asked for the things thus: “Two Assos Gold, one lighter.” (You will notice how the sentences are getting shorter.) Actually the final version came out as, “thio Assos ka’ anaptira” – two Assos and lighter. No please and thank you, no unnecessary words (I could probably have done without the ‘and’), hell, hot even a question mark at the end. And it was said at speed and understood.
            So the lesson here is; ask people to slow down, when you can say something have the confidence to say it fluently and if in doubt mumble fast but confidently.

I don’t need to learn Greek, everyone speaks English anyway
‘It’s easier for me to speak in English, they understand me so I don’t need to learn Greek…’ Does that sound right to you? Here we are living in a foreign country that has its own, very ancient, language on which many of our own words are based and everyone speaks English so we don’t need to bother.
            When I hear people say this, the words illegitimate and ignorant come to mind.
            I am not going to rant on about this particular excuse for not learning the language but instead will turn to that bastion of the English language that I just happen to have on my desk today. No, not the Concise Oxford Dictionary but a copy of The Sun. (A visitor brought it over especially for Neil two days ago but we will say no more about that.) There is, in this particular edition, (June 13th 2007 – it’s been lying around the house for a long time and looks a bit yellow now) an article by David Blunkett about the fuss that was made when he once suggested that anyone wanting to become a British citizen should be able to speak English. He goes on to report that “Tomorrow, the Commission On Integration And Cohesion will report on the need for every resident of Britain to speak English.” He talks about the costs involved for sure but also takes up the point made by the Communities Secretary, Ruth Kelly, that “money should be switched from translation services – which encourage people NOT to speak our language – to teaching people to learn it.”
            He is not just talking about non-European immigrants and some people would take issue with him but actually I don’t. I agree with his final point, “There is clearly…the enormous advantage from having an integrated society where people understand each other…”
            As long as the government inflicting such a law also backs it up by making it possible both financially and practically I don’t see anything wrong with it.
            I’m now flicking through the rest of the newspaper Sun to see how much easier it would be for a non-English speaking person to read once they have had their free but compulsory English lessons:
            Lads taunt Hilton. As long as you know that Hilton is a hotel you will imagine a gang of youths jeering at a tall building in Park Lane: “yah… you’re a wuss you are, you doormat! Call yourself a hotel? You guesthouse you!”
            2 heads girl’s joy. School student is delighted to discover she now has two headmasters to give her detention?
            Girls love dad lads. Females go bananas over loutish yobs who have fathered children?
            Op snub doc’s off. An operation was performed to remove a short nose from the Department Of Commerce?
            How is anyone supposed to stand a chance of learning English I wonder? And if you want the actual stories: Paris Hilton was taunted in gaol, doctors helped a girl grow skin to cover a scar, women who had happy childhoods choose partners who resemble their fathers and a doctor resigned after his time and money-saving ideas for hospitals were ignored. And I didn’t even bother to try and come up with something daft for ‘Ears to a new Kate’, ‘Fish batters girl’ and ‘Rat hit my hamster’. I ask you!
            All of which has rather taken me off the point so to get back to it: If it is to become compulsory for non-English speaking people living in the UK to speak English then how would people who say ‘I don’t need to learn Greek’ feel if the same laws were applied here in Greece?
            Besides, not every Greek person does speak English and there is absolutely no reason why they should.
            Here are a few other excuses and my thoughts on them, shorter this time because:

I don’t have the time – Ex-pats come in a few forms: They have retired here, in which case I don’t understand this excuse at all; I thought retirement was all about having time? They are working and sometimes seven days a week. O.k., but when I am working for a Greek man I speak Greek, he corrects me sometimes and sometimes we fall into English but it’s a chance to practice. They have homes here for only some of the year. In which case they are usually not working and the first point applies. If you don’t have the time you will simply have to make time.
Tip: A little but regularly helps. I watch the Greek news for half an hour in the morning and jot down the words I don’t understand, later I look them up in a dictionary and try to learn them. (See why learning the alphabet is so necessary?) These are often sensational headlines so it’s only really good for learning vocabulary and they often resemble the kind of screaming nonsense you would find in the Sun, the kind of thing I like to poke fun at. These days I find I can usually get the entire headline apart from the vital word, which is also fun as I can fill it in myself:
Minister for Culture discovers he is… (Female? No, unemployed.)
Women fear the… of vegetables. (Size? No, price.)
They speak the… about the football. (Vegetable marrow? Yes actually, it is also a colloquialism for nonsense.
            And so on. Where were we? Ah yes, excuses:

I’ve never been good at languages. You speak English don’t you? And that’s one of the harder ones to learn, so they say.

I’m worried that I will say the wrong thing. Have you seen some of the menus on display in the restaurants? Chic pea balls, roast groat, limb with onions, spaghetti al fungus, Sea Bast. Yes, they may be slightly wrong but at least the restaurant owners are trying, and they give us a good laugh. But the point is, if they are trying so should you and don’t worry about getting it wrong. All of us who are trying to learn have got it wrong from time to time and we’ve always been either corrected or forgiven. Neil once asked for a courgette in his coffee and when someone on their way to the butcher asked me the word for chicken I inadvertently told them the word for a…well, never mind that.

They only speak Greek in Greece. And in any country where over three million Greek speaking people happen to be living.

I wouldn’t know what to say. No, you currently don’t know what to say because you can’t say it. Once you can, you can talk about anything you want from football to politics which, along with basketball, cards, coffee and the size of the penis is just about all you need to know to enjoy kafeneion life to the full.

I don’t know where to start. My uncle spoke English, Ancient Greek, Modern Greek, and French fluently. He also taught himself Latin, some Portuguese, a little Italian and basic German. So I took my language learning advice from him, well you would wouldn’t you? And he was one of those people who ‘weren’t very good at languages’ believe it or not. He studied hard, spoke what he thought he knew without worrying about getting it wrong and taught himself to enjoy the process of learning. And where did he start? He always, always, told me that to learn a new language you have to start with the grammar. He learned from books and home study, took some classes and used what he had learned when visiting a country. I mean, you can’t sit in Rome and ‘absorb’ Latin any more can you? You have to start with books and basics.

And talking of books here is a list of the ones I currently have on the go or have used in my five year battle with Greek.

Teach yourself Greek
This is a ‘complete course for beginners’ by Aristarhos Matsukas. It has everyday conversation as well as good grammar tables and is a good starting place.
The pocket Oxford Greek dictionary
I have two copies, one in my study and the other which is peripatetic (from the Greek verb to walk) and which I take to work or keep by me on the sofa when watching the Greek news.
Greek now! 1 + 1
Takes you through the process in the same format as most learn-Greek books from alphabet to passive verbs and comes with a supplement of exercises.
Speechless in Greece? No thanks!
A basic phrase book that has English/Greek translations and transliterations
201 modern Greek verbs (fully conjugated in all the tenses)
Which I keep in the bathroom for reference. (Well, you may as well, especially if you ‘don’t have time’ to learn – how many hours a year do you spend on the loo looking at a wall?) The only drawback with this book is that is uses the ‘old fashioned’ grammar words like Aorist Indicative (for simple past) and Pluperfect (for I had been etc.) It also states that the verbs are some of the ‘most commonly used’ and rather disturbingly includes: to be poisoned, to be ashamed, to be deceived, to be in distress, to make drunk, reprimand, imprison, be slandered and die. But don’t let that put you off living in Greece – it also has the verbs to wish, to be loved and to be freed.
Νεοελληνική υραμματική (new Greek grammar)
This is my most recent acquisition – it’s a copy of the book that they use in the schools and is entirely in Greek. My Greek-English dictionary is getting some real pounding these days but I am learning new words.

So, let’s assume that you have now made the decision to sit down and start learning the language. Bravo and here’s my summary:

SUMMARY
Learn the alphabet
You’re never too old
Learn the grammar
Have confidence in yourself
Oh – just quit your moaning and make an effort to learn the langue of the country you are living in!

That’s it, I am off to the Kefenion to practice what I preach and get it wrong.