Having a screw or two loose…

Continuing last month’s theme on the subject of deliveries…

Knowing full well that, for the last two years, I have broken every health and safety rule concerning sitting, I decided that it was time for a new chair. Sitting on a piano stool propped up by cushions was doing nothing for me apart from increasing my chances of RSI and, as my keyboard mashing workload has increased recently, I thought it was high time I got a proper, ergonomically designed, back supporting chair that went up and down, had wheels and other snazzy extras that don’t come with your standard piano stool model.

Now then, you have to remember that we are in Greece, Symi in fact and, if you want to go to the local furniture store you actually have to stop a bus, make an appointment and then clamber around a store room until you find something that takes your fancy; assuming that the bus driver who owns the store remembers to turn up. It’s unlikely you’ll find what you are looking for anyway so a trip to Rhodes is your best bet.

Neil was going to Rhodes and meeting up with Jenine and Ian who were also buying some new things for home and garden so, while at the Cosmos furniture department (two floors of viewable furniture and no need to stop a bus or make an appointment you just walk straight in, wow!) Neil might as well buy a new bed. Our previous model a 1979, Plywood & Plastic, ‘Dream-shaker’ had recently failed its MOT and a new one was a must.

So a plan was hatched which was to go something like this: J&I are in Rhodes on Tuesday staying over night, Neil is in Rhodes Wednesday staying overnight, both parties meet up at Cosmos on Wednesday to buy furniture and arrange for it to be put on the Symi, the ferry, on Thursday morning. Furniture then has a lovely day visiting Panormitis while Neil meets a friend from London at the airport on Thursday afternoon. They come back on the Dodecanese Pride at three, arriving on Symi at 4.45pm. Meanwhile… Brian and I meet the Symi at 1.00 pm to take off the furniture and I wait with it in the harbour until Ian (who came back yesterday) finishes work at around 3.30 pm. He comes to harbour with a truck, we load furniture, pick up Neil and Guest and deliver chairs, beds, bookcases, old friend from London and a table to various village houses.

That’s the plan. This is Greece.

Apart from Neil having a bad back the first part of the plan went well and everything was bought, paid for and due to be delivered to the ferry the next morning. Bravo team and have a night off.

The next morning and Neil is at the harbour in Rhodes bright (ish) and early and has phoned the store to confirm delivery and it duly arrives, all ten pieces, and is put on the quayside leaving cripple-back Neil to drag things on himself, with a little help, but at least it gets there… phew! First tricky operation completed. Furniture sails off for a merry day out with day trippers and Neil goes for breakfast and to collect 101 other things for the shop.

One pm comes and Brian and I are at the quay (on Symi) to witness the arrival of the ferry and several large parties of German and American day trippers – how do these people know we live here? Is it because we are wearing long trousers and jumpers in the sun or because we just blend in? Who knows but, having directed several people to various parts of the island and told hem the various ways to get to the Horio, we drag, lift and grumble the furniture from the boat. Our collection of boxes and things in bubble wrap now sit, with me, outside the Symi Visitor office and phase two is successfully completed. Brian can now stand down and I sit and wait with a can of beer, a pleasant view and the offer of more beer and a toilet courtesy of Wendy and the Symi Visitor; many thanks.

Two hours later and Ian duly arrives with truck, he’s now caught a cold and just wants to get everything delivered so Neil and Guest will have to make their own way up when they arrive, fair enough. Boxes etc. are heaved up onto the back of the flatbed and away we go with me standing in the back to support the larger items and ensure we don’t lose anything over the edge as we climb to the village. The only thing that nearly went over was me but I’m kind of superfluous and that’s the kind of risk you take when engaged in ‘black ops’ like furniture delivery on Symi.

Truck is unloaded at Zoi’s Taverna and Ian goes to return truck while I carry what I can to our house. Having delivered the office chair (to be self assembled later) and three packages that make up 75% of the bed and wishing I hadn’t worn the jumper, Ian returns and the rest of the bed is delivered. That’s our lot done. It’s now only a question of borrowing the supermarket trolley and dragging a heavy bookcase, garden table, chairs and something uncertain in a cardboard box along unevenly cobbled alleyways and Ian is done. Beer to celebrate and, rather damp, I go off to meet Neil and Guest at the Rainbow Bar to debrief.

The next day, Friday.

We didn’t put the bed together that night but, the following day in glorious sunshine, with Neil and Guest sipping tea on the terrace I started on phase three of the home improvement plan. Carefully unpacking pieces of black iron and wood I lay the components out in an orderly fashion to check them off against my enclosed diagram. Oh dear, no screws or Alan key. (Is that how you spell it? It doesn’t matter as I don’t have one anyway.) Perhaps Petros will have some at the hardware store. Two hours later and no he hasn’t but maybe the other Petros at the other hardware and seamstress shop will have some. No he hasn’t. Only one thing for it then, must phone the shop and ask them to supply some more. But that can wait until tomorrow as we have a guest to entertain…

The next day, Saturday.

Neil tries to ring the shop but his mobile isn’t working for some reason so I agree to do it from home. He gives me a number and reminds me that the order was in the name of Spalding (Ian). I phone the shop and bumble around in Greek and Grenglish. Various assistants with varying levels of English and sympathy for those who can’t speak Greek are called to the phone and my assistance, as I try to explain that we bought some furniture a few days ago, I am Mr. Spalding (which I am not) and there were no screws for the bed. ‘No what?’ I hurriedly check my dictionary and see the word for screw, panic because of its double meaning and so tell the bewildered but helpful team of people all gathered around the phone in Rhodes and probably wetting themselves with laughter that my bed came with none of those things that you use a screwdriver on.

‘Vithi?’ A screwdriver is a katsavithi so that sounds like the safest word to use so I agree that I have a screw or two missing.

This is confirmed when I realise I am actually talking to the wrong shop.

Sensibly I find the invoice which is luckily still here and not on its way to the rubbish tip with the empty boxes and phone the right shop. I have a long and gloriously understood conversation with a very pleasant woman in Cosmos, who also teaches me the word for bolt, ‘bouloni’, and complements me on my correct use of the word ‘Vithi’. She also apologises heartily for the lack of screws and suggests I ask someone to pick up a set when someone I know is next in Rhodes. I have another brainwave here and remember that Dimitris, Yianni’s son and all round good egg, works just behind the Cosmos shop. Although I am supposed to be working, on my ergonomically designed chair, I decide to pop down to Yianni to ask if he can ask Dimitris to get the screws and put them on the boat for us.

But Dimitris is in Thessalonica so we have coffee while we think of other options. Having exhausted the list of people we know who may be going to Rhodes in the next month we hit upon the idea of asking the shop to send the screws to the Hydrofoil at six that evening and we’ll go down and collect them. But this is far too complicated and potentially embarrassing piece of dialogue for me to manage over a phone so Yianni takes over and calls the shop. The result being that they may put them on the boat that evening. May? He shrugs and Neil has a beer.

Then it’s Yiannis’ turn for a mild epiphany and he’s back on the phone again. A few minutes later and everything is sorted. Yiannis’ cousin, Yiannis, has just been to Cosmos and, although he’s now back in Mandraki, he will go back again, get our screws and bring them back on the hydrofoil, on which he works, later that evening. They will then be delivered to the bar for us at around seven. Now that’s what I call going the extra mile.

So, that little hiccup cured, it’s time to get back to work. Except that Guest is coming to join us for coffee/beer and thinks he knows his way from the house. Ten minutes later, phone goes, ‘I’m lost’, ‘what can you see,’ ‘steps and a church…’ I finally find him half a mile off course; we have a drink then go to the harbour for lunch. After a lovely lazy day we’re back in the village eagerly awaiting our delivery of screws so that Guest can actually sleep on a bed. The phone rings…

Cousin Yianni has the screws! But the boat isn’t going to day, it’s broken down, it has a screw loose and needs to be fixed or something. Not to worry, we know they are in safe hands and there is always tomorrow…

For the adventure of putting the chair together, please see 24, midday.