Water

Here’s something which just goes to prove that you can’t take Greek literally. Our recent water bill came with an official letter from the water board. I got the vague gist but thought it would be fun to write it out, word for word, as it was written. Now then, I’m not taking the… water here, I love the Greek language and the letter was written quite correctly. What I wanted to do was conduct an exercise in how one language translates into another if you use a dictionary, rather than just read it and absorb it.

Bear in mind that in Greek, as in many languages I guess, some words have many different meanings and you have to use them in context. Where a word had more than one meaning I chose the most appropriate one, or rather the least inappropriate one. I have also put the words in their literal order rather than moving them to where they would be if we were writing in English. This is so you can see how sentence construction is different between the two languages.
 
So this is how my dictionary and I translated the text:

“After from suggestion of the plumber and of the our survey, it was confirmed that the water meter yours found itself in such place where seated impossible the meter reader towards the absent yours. You we beg to place the water meter yours to such point (outside from the house yours) so that to it can to happen reading of the mark yet and towards absence yours. Consequently it will avoid [no idea – word not in my dictionary] to the bills one and the meter reader to happen regularly and will not accumulate ‘necessity’. For more information ask the proper plumber of the area yours or call to 2246070005.”

Get that? Basically we’ve all been asked to move our water meters from inside the courtyard and out into the street so that readings can be made regularly. Ours was moved a few weeks before getting the letter so we’re in the good books and our bill is up to date at last.

Here’s the full story:

Originally the meter was inside our lobby downstairs and we were never in when the man came to read it. So we put a wire on our front door so that it could be opened without a key and anyone could come in when they wanted or needed to. (Remember that lifestyle from England circa 1949?) This seemed to fox the water-man and he never did. (It still confuses the electricity meter reader as far as I know as our bills seem to be calculated by thinking of a number between one and ten, multiplying it by Pi, dividing it by the age of someone’s mother in law, adding 6% tax for fun, deducting 6% for no explicable reason an adding a zero.) Back to the water bill: A few bills ago it was clear that the meter had not been read, €8.00 for three months in the summer? I don’t think so. So when I went to pay it I told the helpful chap at the Town Hall what the real reading was and asked him to adjust the next bill upwards accordingly. He looked mildly stunned and called for assistance from an even more helpful lady. She, having paled somewhat, made a note of the number and the next bill to come along more accurately reflected the correct price. Bill number three was again estimated at €8.00 so I did the same thing again. This time it was a different helpful young lady and she asked me if I wanted her to calculate the actual cost there and then so I could pay it, but only if I really wanted to. It was my turn to be stunned and, in my shock, I decided to pay it next time. When it came in at €8.00 again…

Now though we are the proud owners of an up to date bill that breaks down literally as:

Value of the water 69mx3         49.20 – Makes sense to me

Value final of the thing done      39.36 – Assume the moving of the meter (20% paid by Town Hall)

Value of the fixed final   2.99 – Assume some football match-rigging

Tax (6%)                                  2.95 – Assume to pay back some of the 9.80 the Town Hall paid to move our meter

Tax (13%)                                5.51 – This is the bit that’s added for fun

Round (something) of the bill       .24 – No idea where that twenty-four cents went

Proceeding difference                 .23 – Nor what this bit means

But what I am sure of is that our bill was then rounded down by 48 cents so it came to a nice neat €100 including having the meter moved. Which makes our annual water bill (and you’d be surprised how many people ask what our annual water bill is,) around €120 or at today’s prices £81.76 – that’s just under seven pounds a month for two people in a two bedroom house with garden, washing machine, bath, shower etc.

I’ll stop rubbing it in now and go and gleefully water the garden. I won’t, actually, as we’re saving water and not because of the cost; there was little rain this winter and the reservoirs are already low, apparently. So remember when you come to Symi to stand in a large bowl when you shower, use that water for the loo or mop outside with it, put the washing up water on the garden, if you need to flush only flush when you really need to flush, turn the tap off when cleaning your teeth or shaving, as the shower is warming up run the water into a bucket for later use, put the washing machine drain pipe into a (large) bucket and use that on the garden, floors etc., do large washing loads rather than lots of small ones, save the rain water wherever and whenever you can and make sure you turn the taps off properly. Oh, and in the winter, only shave and shower once a month and then only if you need to.

Actually you should do all that wherever you live to help the planet generally. O.k. I really am going now, I’ve just received a letter from the electricity company which starts; “Regarding the wire yours from on the doors yours…”