A tour around the grounds - continued into the house

O.k. We’ve done the grounds, now how about the house? Back down to the fruit tree department, down again to beneath the vine (now cut back for the winter, ha! That’ll teach it) and wait for me here at the back/front door while I just pop in and make sure things are tidy for you.

No they are not but then they never are so come on in and watch where you tread. Now then, the front/back door is actually in the middle of the house so it should really be called the front/back/middle door but let’s not go into that. Instead we’ll go into the sitting room which used to be the courtyard but is now the main hub of the house. Everything from this room and to the right is an extension, hence the flat roof above, and we’ll back track in a moment to the old part of the house to our left.

You will notice, in fact you will not fail to notice, the fireplace over which is painted a Symi scene. Not by us I hasten to add and I won’t name names but it’s an original feature that we are not allowed to get rid of. It is so original in fact that the harbour scene it depicts has three galleons sailing in three different directions against and into three different prevailing winds. A small row boat the size of a U-boat is attacking one of these ships and on the shore a giant of a man is doing something extraordinary with a net. The Kali Strata (we assume) runs along the right hand shore towards the police station under a sky that suggests sunset at noon. Beneath this entertaining piece the island’s windmills and the stone circle are depicted in fully working order and vivid colours.

Moving swiftly on you must admire the rosemary bush from the safety of the inside of the property as it taps at the window like something from the Little Shop of Horrors. We take the passage that leads to the very back of the house, passing the bathroom (that used to be the outdoor kitchen) on the right and a display of some of Neil’s photographs on the left. The kitchen – to switch the light on click it into the off position – is lit by a skylight that doubles as a shower in wet weather and contains all the mod cons you could ever wish for: the noisiest fridge freezer in Christendom, a cooker (don’t use the back left ring or the house an possibly the entire parish will be plunged into darkness), and a pantry that has not been opened since about the time Carter discovered Tutankhamen’s tomb. We daren’t open this door for fear that something black and fungal will creep out and engulf the island like the Martian weed in the Word of the Worlds.

So we back track as promised, follow me and keep up at the back there I don’t want to lose anyone to the monster in the pantry, and take a quick peak in the bathroom. More mod cons in here including a washing machine that works and bath taps that don’t. Back through the sitting room that is stocked for the winter months with firewood, games, DVDs, CDs books and washing that won’t get dry anywhere else. And now we can enter the old part of he house.

The bedroom is always in a constant state of disarray. In fact it looks more like an explosion in an Oxfam shop than a bedroom. Here we have the mattress, the rest of the bed is upstairs in pieces while we wait for a delivery of new six inch nails to replace the ones that were previously holding it together. We have two wardrobes that appear to have been disembowelled and two chairs and a trunk that strain under the contents that came out of them. Ignore that mess and have a quick look up the steep stairs, through the hatch and into the mousandra. It is rumoured that the missing parts of the Dead Sea Scrolls can be found up here just behind the other half of the Rosetta stone and I read once that experts think this is where Agatha Christie spent those missing weeks. If in doubt just ask Lord Lucan who also lives up here quite happily with the passengers and crew of the Marie Celeste.

We have everything in our mousandra that you could ever not want (because I can’t throw anything away). Apart from the useless pieces of old bed and hundreds of empty boxes that ‘might come in useful one day’ we have a collection of 70 musicals, a DVD machine and three heaters that don’t work, books never to be read again, clothes we’ll never fit into and some very rare species of dust. Obviously tidying the mousandra and throwing things out is one of those projects that we’re saving for a very rainy day.

Back down the steps, careful that the hatch doesn’t… ouch!... fall on your head, never mind and could you turn the light off? There are two switches, the upstairs light is controlled by the switch that is below the one above it which controls the downstairs light – but at least up is off and down is on even if down is up and up is down. And follow me through a noisy sliding door into the front room. At last! Remember this is the room at the front of the house that has the front door we never use as a front door and was the saloni of the old house.

Beneath a purple chandelier (don’t; ask it was here when we moved in) we have a fair sized and airy room that I work in. It’s where I am now actually, at my fathers old desk hammering away at my forth computer in as many years. We have the piano in here that occasionally gets played and even more occasionally gets dusted, we have my books, an expensive Turkish rug from Iran or somewhere else non-Turkish, a typical Greek uncomfortable sofa that visiting Greek people flock to and enjoy immensely and the dining table for winter use only. At the very front we have the balcony that overlooks the same view as the front terrace but with a little more mountain and Pedi to the right.

And there you have it: A tour of the house and grounds. Now, if you have finished being nosy you can file out through the front/front door (noticing the handy light switches which glow in the dark so that you can find them in a power cut…) and leave as many tips for the guide as you want to while you’re leaving. Thanks for coming and have a nice day.